Tidy vs Compulsive

Dearest people who casually use the term “OCD”:

Being tidy and “needing” things to be a certain way isn’t

Obsessive,

Compulsive

or a Disorder.

It took me almost 3 minutes to knock on doors because I had to knock in patterns of 3’s.

If someone opened the door,

I still had to knock until I finished the sequence.

And if I was stopped, I’d have to begin again.

No matter how long that took.

Same pattern with every single light I turned on.

Or off.

I washed my hands 100-200 times a day, sometimes until they were cracked and bleeding.

I obsessively counted ceiling tiles, floor tiles, bricks

Again and again.

And again.

I couldn’t stand to see segments of garlic that hadn’t been broken apart. I’d smash them to bits or I couldn’t hear a single thing anyone was saying.

All I could hear was loud swishing noises and all I could think about was smashing the segments apart.

I couldn’t be touched by most people without needing to wash my hands.

I had to disinfect every doorknob, light switch daily.

In fact,

I spent 4-6 hours a day cleaning every surface in my home.

I never stepped on a crack if I could help it, even if that meant skipping, walking and jumping oddly.

Everything was in patterns only I knew.

It took a lot of thought and energy.

It was debilitating af.

Worse though when was I didn’t finish the knocking sequence.

When I fell onto a crack.

When I wasn’t able to smash the garlic bulbs hanging on the wall.

When I was imperfect.

Imperfection wasn’t tolerable.

I would often smash a glass coke bottle against my head or face until I was black and blue.

Or I would cut the bottoms of my feet with a razor.

The more blood, the better.

I don’t believe that there is sick a thing as being

“OCD sometimes”

Or having “a touch of OCD”.

So unless you can identify with any of the above,

count yourself lucky;

you don’t have OCD.

❤️

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