Reasons I’ve been judgy; Jealousy

Last night, the baseball team here did real well at the sportsing. People were running through the streets for hours, yelling, drinking and generally having a great time.

It sounded like a rad party,

except that I don’t know how to be a part of it.

Sports from my POV:

Excited people everywhere are acting like they know the players personally.  I seriously doubt I would jump up and down even if the team were made of my cousins, so I really don’t understand the excitement at seeing strangers hit balls and things.

Tickets are expensive.

Sports games are longer than movies, and I can’t even sit through an episode of BoJack Horseman in one go.

And so I decided to do a little research;

“Some fans experience dopamine surges whenever their favorite team or athlete fares well. Psychology Today describes dopamine as a “neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers.” It helps regulate emotional responses as well as movement.

Whenever a fan’s team experiences a win, that individual’s “pleasure centers” will be ignited.

Cells in the brain called mirror neurons activate when sports fans watch games. Mirror neurons help people understand the actions of others and allow people to put themselves “into another’s shoes” — in other words, to feel empathy. When it comes to watching sports, these mirror neurons cause fans to internalize the actions they’re witnessing on the field and feel the accompanying emotions as if they were doing the action themselves.”

Well holy crap! That sounds AMAZING.

The psychologist that diagnosed my ADHD and ASD tendencies last year told me that the feeling of being disconnected from mass events like sports games is common for people with autism and Aspergers.


I simply lack the ability to feel like part of the experience.

As a child, I was extra especially judgmental about people watching sports.  In hindsight, I know it’s because I was jealous. My friends acted as excited watching a game on TV as I imagined they would if they were actually playing themselves, and all they had to do was WATCH?!

I faked it for awhile, to try and be cool, and because I hoped I could learn to be a part of it,  but it was easier to cover up my lack of understanding by being a bitch;

“OMG You don’t even KNOW those people! Are they even FROM the city you’re rooting for? Are they even from our COUNTRY?! It’s pathetic that so many people don’t have anything better to do with their time and energy then live vicariously through a bunch of overpaid little boys waving sticks around.”

I have to admit, I’ve said worse. Belittling others enjoyment of things I don’t understand made me feel bigger.  Better.

These days, when I get those judgy feelings, I take a long hard look at WHY. Jealousy, ignorance or assumptions I’ve made based on past experienced have all been justification for my judgements in the past.

And so instead of ripping on what I don’t understand, I would just like to say that I am quite jealous that I don’t know how to learn to share in what sounds like huge amounts of happiness.




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